Dear, Future Self (An H2OVanoss 12MOF Christmas Special)
by WatchAndLearnKid
Summary: A small 12 Months of Fall epilogue for the holidays. H2Ovanoss. M/M


For Miriame02

A small Twelve Months of Fall epilogue for the holidays.

* * *

It was their twelfth Christmas together. It was kind of funny how the number twelve revolved around their lives.

Jonathan was thirty-eight, Evan was thirty-three. Their daughter Jane was just shy of four and she was an insane work of art. Beautiful, Asian, and so full of imagination and wild stories. Stories she liked to paint on her bedroom wall. Who were they to tell her not to dream and dream big?

Jonathan adored her creativity and he often pulled her into his lap as he doodled another tattoo idea. She would watch in fascination until she came up with an idea she wanted to contribute and he'd let her. He'd smile as she drew small teddy bears discreetly into his design. She was turning into a little prodigy, but he never pushed her nor did he hold her back. He let her art grow at it's own pace as it should.

Then there was Keegan, their three year old son who was the most lovable human being he'd ever known. He'd find him and Evan asleep on the couch after a long night of Wii gaming. Keegan would wake up first and pull a blanket over his dreaming dad and kiss him on the forehead before retreating to his own bed.

Jonathan would hear him say, "Sweet dweams, Daddy."

It made his heart melt. Keegan loved his sister just as well. He'd purposely find her things he knew she'd like in the grass or in a shop, anywhere they went just so he could give it to her and see her face light up. For a three year old, he was such a selfless person and he loved to make the people he loved happy.

Jonathan was in love with his life and everyone in it and he knew it would always be that way no matter what.

* * *

Christmas that year was spent at Ally's house in North Carolina and the day fell on a Monday of all days. It had always been Evan's favorite day and Jonathan knew why. He woke from his sleep at five o'clock on the dot and rolled over in the warm guest bed to press his nose against the side of Evan's face and whisper, "Good morning, bitch."

He felt Evan smile in the dark and reach his hand up to cup his jaw and kiss him like he always did. It always got a little deeper, a bit wet, but like every other Christmas for the past few years there was the sound of little feet outside the door.

Evan chuckled, "You'd think they'd sleep a little later than five, but they just keep on surprising us."

Jonathan kissed him one more time before the door cracked open and in ran the kids, giggling madly as they pounced on the bed.

"Wake up! It's Christmas!"

Jonathan laughed and caught Keegan as he jumped on the mattress, "Okay, little bear! We're coming. Go get Remi and we'll see you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay!" Their green-eyed boy wiggled out of his arms and took off to find his cousin.

"And you, sunshine, go see of Aunt Ally and Uncle Devon are up yet." Evan kissed Jane on her temple and fell back on the bed when she ran off.

Jonathan smiled and ran his fingers up his neck, "Come on, beautiful. Another Christmas down, decades more to go."

* * *

The morning was full of laughter, the smell of Jonathan cooking breakfast, and the joyful tunes of the Bing Crosby Christmas album which was their mother's favorite and a holiday tradition.

It was a white Christmas and the rest of the day was spent outside riding inner-tubes down the neighborhood hills with locals and Luke and his family of misfits, crashing into each other, making memories. It was beautiful and neither Evan or Jonathan could ask for anything more.

The new year was closing in and they were hanging around the house that evening, watching t.v., listening to the fire crackle when Ally followed Jonathan into the kitchen and gave him the warmest of hugs.

"This has been such a good year. I know I say that about every year but they always get better." She grinned up at him and he laughed.

"It's true though. You found your other half, Remi is growing up so smart and beautiful." Jonathan hugged her tighter. "Life is finally good for us."

"It is." She smiled against his chest and ran off laughing when she stole a piece of his chocolate. "Oh, by the way, I found a few boxes of your old stuff in the attic. It's still up there if you want to go through it."

"I will, later." He poured himself a drink and settled in the living room next to his husband and soon the kids were piled up in their lap, drinking their sparkling grape juice. They were asleep by the time the ball dropped on the television, so he leaned and Evan met him halfway for their first kiss of the new year. They pulled away with content smiles.

"Happy New Year, Owl-man."

"Happy New Year, Raccoon." Evan leaned in again and met his lips once more. After all the years he'd spent doing this, he still couldn't get enough. "I love you."

* * *

They put the children to bed and Evan got comfortable in the guest bed, but Jonathan held up his finger, "I'll be back in a few minutes. Ally wanted me to go through a box of stuff."

Evan stuck his lip out in a cute pout and sighed dramatically. It got Jonathan every time because it was so fucking adorable. "But baby..."

"Stop." Jonathan pointed at him with a grin.

"Was it working?"

"Yes, you know it was." He laughed. "Give me like, five whole minutes and I'll be back. I swear. Don't fall asleep without me."

"Hurry up then, go." Evan shooed him away and Jonathan pulled the ladder down to the attic and made the small trip up. There were dusty boxes littered all over but there were about three with his name on it written in his mother's handwriting. His heart swelled a bit as he sat cross-legged and went through old trinkets and toys that he'd long forgotten. There were stuffed animals, kindergarten paper projects, dried noodle Christmas wreaths, things he never knew his mother had kept. But then something caught his eye in the corner of the attic, tucked tightly into a seam in the wall. He walked over on the cold wood and pried an old white envelope from it's hiding place and he vaguely recalled the memory of himself putting it there.

When he opened the letter his childhood came crashing down onto him and the weight of his world sat heavy on his chest. He took a deep breath and read:

 _Dear, Future Self_

 _Are things going to get better? Will everything be okay?_

 _I know I'm only nine and a half and I'm supposed to be a big boy and not cry. But I cry a lot when I'm alone. I can't cry in front of Dad because he's mean and calls me a sissy if I do. Mom is sad a lot and I want her to feel better. The only friend I have is Ally. We sneak away sometimes to the woods and pretend we're in a make believe land, fighting cool monsters and defending our land._

 _But then we have to go home and listen to them fighting and yelling. Sometimes I sleep with Ally because I'm scared to be in my room alone. Dad takes my teddy bears and throws them away. Mom always gets me another one._

 _I just wish our family was happy and not sad all the time. I wish I had friends._

 _Do you have friends? Are you happy? Are Mom and Dad happy? Can you fall asleep without being sad? Do you still have a teddy?_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Jonathan (nine and a half)_

A tear fell on the paper and Jonathan sniffled before he broke down and cried right there on the attic floor like he had the night he wrote that letter to himself. But the more he cried, the better he felt and he found himself smiling through his tears, searching his boxes for a pencil. He settled in the same spot as he did almost twenty years ago and wrote a response to his nine and half year old self. Jonathan dried his eyes and began:

 _Dear, Past Self_

 _Things won't be okay for a long time, Jonathan. I won't lie. You'll have to endure many long nights of fighting and screaming and crying so hard that you throw up. You're going to be scared and you still won't be able to keep a teddy bear. Dad will leave you guys when you're twelve years old and he won't be back for a while. Your older sister will lose her mind. She'll lose you, too. Then she'll leave and you won't have anyone but Mom. But Mom slowly loses herself over the years. You'll take good care of her. She'll love you and encourage you to be yourself, do what you love. She'll always be there for you, even when she's gone._

 _Things will look up for you. You'll move out on your own, get inked, and your friend Luke will keep you company. You'll play video games, keep yourself in good spirits and you'll meet an old friend that will turn into more than just a friend. You'll fall in love and you'll have your heart torn apart by the very same person. You'll feel alone again, push everyone away, blame yourself. You'll cut._

 _But don't worry. You get better. Luke talks sense into you and and you pull yourself together. You go back to video games, what makes you happy or as happy as you can be and in the middle of all this you send the most important message you'll ever write in your entire life._

 _You send a message to a guy named Evan asking if he wants to play a game with you sometime. This is the turning point in your life, Jonathan, and you won't learn this until years later._

 _You and Evan become great, long-distance friends. He's Canadian and a complete dork and you know he's going to be there for you no matter what. He never lets you down. He becomes your best friend over time and just as things are looking up for you, Mom gets sick again and this time she can't come back from it._

 _Mom dies. But you're okay. You know she's happier and in a better place. But Dad comes back to take the house. Big fucking surprise, right?_

 _I'm sorry, I shouldn't cuss. You're only nine._

 _Dad comes back, beats you black and blue and you say goodbye to your best friend because you really don't know if you'll ever get to hear him again. But you do. Evan flies his Canadian ass all the way down here just to take you away from all the pain._

 _That's when things start to get wild. You move up to Canada with Evan, who's completely amazing and devilishly handsome and the best thing that will ever happen to you. He takes care of you, makes you laugh, keeps your secrets, makes you fall so god damn in love with him._

 _I mean, like head over heels straight into the wall, in love with him. You will never feel like that about anyone until you're with him. You won't feel anything as good as him telling you to stay in the bed with him every day and not just Mondays, just because he knows you sleep better when you're with him._

 _You won't feel your heart flip like it does when he smiles at you, or when you catch him staring at you like he's lost in thought._

 _When he grabs your fingers._

 _When he wipes your tears away._

 _When he tells you he wouldn't want you any other way after you tell him wish your past would just disappear, you wish you could forget._

 _Evan Fong is going to save your life, Jonathan. You just have to wait for him to walk into it._

 _It gets better, I promise you, kid._

 _Sure there are times when you struggle with yourself even when you're with Evan. Eventually, Dad gets what he deserves. Your old love tries to ruin your happiness. There are times when things get dark. But Evan fixes you, holds you together._

 _He saves you._

 _He loves you and he tells you that every day. It's been eleven years since he first did and he still makes you feel like you are his universe, his sun, moon, and stars._

 _You'll have two kids that are so pure and full of hope and promise and everything you could ever ask for. Your sister gets better, sorts her life out, finds peace._

 _I'm visiting home now, our old home, sitting in the same attic as you, crying just as you are now. But I'm crying because Evan was right. I had to go through all of this to get to where I am. I am what I am because of my past, because of what happened and now that I'm here, I wouldn't take any of it back._

 _So don't be afraid, Jonathan. It gets better. One day you'll be the happiest man in the world and yes, I have a teddy bear. One that's permanent and will always hold me at night, every night. I call him my husband and my best friend._

 _Evan is and always will be my teddy bear. One that brings me peace. One that will always be my own personal space heater and dream catcher. I'll never spend another day without him._

 _Give it time, Jonathan. You'll see._

 _With Love,_

 _Jonathan (thirty-eight and three quarters, but who's really counting ;P)_

Jonathan folded the letter back up neatly and tucked it away into the same crack in the wood that it had lived in for twenty years. He took his boxes down the stairs and put them with their luggage to be flown back home to California in a few days. The Christmas tree was still shining bright in the living room, the fireworks were still popping in the distance, and the other halves of his heart were all fast asleep. Jane and Keegan were in a pile of blankets, snuggled up with their cousin Remi who always shared her bed with them. Ally and her husband were out like rocks.

But Evan had kept his silent promise and didn't fall asleep without him.

"Are you okay?" Evan asked softly as he pulled him close beneath the sheets.

Jonathan ran his fingers over the smooth skin that ran for miles down Evan's body. He ran his fingers over his lips and kept finding himself over and over again in his honey brown eyes. Jonathan sighed, content, and kissed him one more time for good measure.

"I'm perfect."

"Damn right you are." Evan caught one of his fingers between his teeth.

Jonathan bit back a laugh, "Seriously?"

"What?" Evan asked innocently as he let his hand find it's way beneath Jonathan's briefs. Jonathan couldn't hold back the giggle as Evan kissed his way across his throat.

"Oh nothing. I just thought maybe you could make it until at least an hour into the New Year before you had sex with me."

"Are you complaining?" Evan asked, a grin on his lips as he disappeared under the blanket.

Jonathan let the warmth flood him and he smiled into the dark. "Never in a million years."


End file.
